It has been a long while, that I have felt as though my heart and mind will explode; their relationship separate in efforts to be individual, one over the other as opposed to one together; a battle proportioned in life over death, love over hate, peace over war, me over you, joy, over sorrow - a battle of polarities, suffering in silence.  And now, in a turning of the tides, I recognize, embrace and experience depths of joy in release of sorrow; bridging gaps in dualistic mind, for duality exists only in containment that mind creates.  It is as one soul we breathe, and in each breath we represent all.  In light we love, in darkness, we simply love less.  I have come to know my greatest sorrows as my greatest joys, and my greatest torments as my most cherished accomplishments, for they are equal in love and in merit; differences dissolve in wake to similarity, being different expressions of same.  And yet, so long as humanity holds belief in duality, peace will remain unearthed as war will remain its opposite supported in belief of disconnect.  And still, in consideration of all, love remains; duality becoming remnants in the wind as humanity's conscience comes to recognize itself.

...A glance at the clock suggests she go back to sleep, to awaken her mind to all that would willingly come, in preparation for the snow to fall; a blanket of love covering indiscretion from the previous season, where all that was dreamt of faded yet into fantasy.

And as it goes with every new season, death, and birth, be-stills us.  And the fly stumbles upon its back amidst the changing season, as does mind in slumber; and rebirth awaits our eyes to welcome opportunity upon our lids awakening - will the day be rewarded with trespass or participation?

...And mind goes numb in the dawning, for emotion grants movement to those who feel, and heed the call; a resolve of surrender to the rhythm of ones heart, to breathe in tune with Nature while amid and beyond shadows of death; birthing until life precedes us.

...is recognition of personal truth; a coming to terms with the Divine Nature in each and the connection between us all.  Justice exposes the rawness of being human while encapsulating its cause in love, its results manifesting in truth for all.

Recently I have been asking myself this question due to a recent family upset, or rebalancing, depending on which perspective I feel closet to in any given moment.  My brother David, who is only three years my senior, surprised us all with a stroke Jan 16 of this year.  This event has led our family on a journey filled with anguish and love, sadness and joy, disbelief, and belief.

For myself occurred exposure to meanings of life and death as deep as my soul would take me; to a truth in my being where discovery of what a miracle feels like graced my human existence, long enough for me to remember, and to share it with you.  This story shares details of its nature, and I am grateful for this opportunity to express my accounting of them.

Our mother, Bev, was woken early in the morning with a call no parent wants to receive.  The doctor said that David had suffered a massive stroke, and was currently hemorrhaging in the brain; that emergency surgery was necessary, that without it death was imminent, and even with it, death was probably, still imminent.  The choice was easy and yet not easy at all - surgery took place while we rushed to Victoria to spend our last moments with a son, a brother, a father - to say goodbye.

We were given no hope from the hands that managed David’s state of being.  We were told that the place in the brain where the stroke had occurred was rare, and that to live from it, and to recover in any capacity from it, was equally rare; that we would need a miracle.

I arrived at the Victoria Hospital in the evening and was promptly taken to the ICU Ward.  As I approached a long hallway, I saw our family gathered at the other end.  In an instant, that felt like a lifetime, I experienced what I imagined it would feel like to become an only child - and yet in the very next moments the depths of my soul held hope, and kept my humanness calm, holding me in a state of acceptance for David to be free to choose his direction, to decide whether life in this earthy form, was still to be his abode.

I was the last of my family to arrive; I shared a few moments with them to collect my emotions, before entering the Intensive Care Unit.  Some of you may be familiar with ICU, this was my first experience.  I brewed enough emotional strength to push through the large red swing doors that led me into the unknown. With each step forward David’s predicament became alarming to me as the expressions of similar fated patients, greeted me with anxiety and fear, spawning cool and empty air that became my breath as I tread past their rooms - and I was rippled with sensations of dwindled life force.

Though as I approached, panic dissipated in the atmosphere, and as I walked through the doorway into David’s room I was enveloped with warmth and serenity.  There was an expression of peace on David’s face that is impossible to explain and yet I experienced it to the very core of my being.  At that moment a nurse came into the room and said very loudly, DAVID, DAVID, YOUR SISTER LISA IS HERE, and he flash opened his eyes, his slumber with source interrupted.

In ICU every life support system you can think of is hooked up to the body, keeping the human vehicle alive in case spirit of the particular participant decides to visit its human shell, temporarily, or with permanence, that is until its next departure.  In addition to life support, David had a shunt that was drilled through the top of his head and into his brain to help relieve the build-up of pressure from the hemorrhaging.  The evening’s memories are imprinted deeply into my mind.

The next day, I sat with David for a while.  I sat close, spoke gently into his ear and gazed at his face, captured by presence. I felt full of love, and peace.  I felt complete; unconditional in the moments we shared.  And as I sat gazing, I saw his lips move ever so slightly, and to this I LAUGHED OUT LOUD and said I know you, you’re trying to blow me a kiss, and his lips moved again.  So I smiled, and I kissed him, and as we shared this exchange, the corners of his lips curled upwards - he smiled his first smile.

In those moments I was graced with a divine beauty of life, with the knowledge, and remembrance, that life itself is the miracle, in whatever form, all to give and receive equally within its own capacity; to be love.

February 29^th, David, a son, brother, father, friend; was released from the hospital and is making a full recovery. 

Often throughout this journey I have asked myself, is this single event of David living through this physical trauma a miracle?  Or, is this single event a product of a perpetual miraculous foundation, born of life source, that we each share, that shows itself in as many different ways as there are moments?

Again, I ask, what does a miracle feel like?  It feels like right now…like every breath we breathe…expanding into who we become.

...There is nothing very odd about lambs disliking birds of prey, but this is no reason for holding it against large birds of prey that they carry off lambs.  And when the lambs whisper among themselves, "These birds of prey are evil, and does this not give us a right to say that whatever is the opposite of a bird of prey must be good?"  there is nothing intrinsically wrong with such an argument - though the birds of prey will look somewhat quizzically and say, "We have nothing against these good lambs; in fact, we love them; nothing tastes better than a tender lamb."

...do you ever feel as though every corner you turn, every door you open/close, every time you even open your eyes there is a big wall of stagnation holding you back from purpose?  2007 has felt like that kind of a year for me and I have been in conversation where the mood has been similar for others too.  It is always all in good course, and sometimes stagnation is illuminating, yet bottom line I feel agitated/impatient, and perhaps lacking faith in some regards, if nothing more than to propel me further into connection as the dimming OF IT catches my attention and then I long to ride the wave of purity found in balance.

Does anyone out there also feel a HUGE shift in the core of the Earth - brewing waves of magnanimous change?  Lately, at night, I am restless in the core of my being, feeling how I contribute to the pain of the world, and also to the love.  The back and forth can be crazzzy making.  The feeling of being on the 'edge of something' that never quite seems to unfold is an interesting trap because it is all a part of the unfolding, just seems as though some parts are easier to digest than others.  It may have something to do with passing into my seventh 7 year cycle. 

Remembering to breathe...
peace in, peace out

It has been a while since I have posted...

I have been away in my mind and am now getting back to having my hands in participation.  It seems as though the topic of 'consequence' has been coming my way through discussion with friends, or readings I have happened upon.  I have given thought to the feelings aroused within my body while experiencing these energies.  It is my experience, and perhaps some of you resonate...that what we energetically experience as consequence is directly correlated to expectation we hold around ourselves in relationship with responses we receive from others, and is resultant of ones emotional perception and reaction to an interactions particular stimuli. 

In my experience we hold tendency to claim victim stance, an act of withholding truthful emotions; not expressing/releasing energy that thwarts our body's balance in trinity - while blaming others for the hurt we feel regarding our interaction with them.  In my perspective, every interaction we encounter is Trinity; three parts creating particular levels of balance that outflow in Universal proportion.  Part one, is energy created within ones own energy body within an interaction, part two, is energy of the 'other' receiving/giving energy simultaneous within the interaction, and part three being the relationship between those interacting, which, essentially, is our combined expression of God/Life Force.  One is not more or less responsible than the other, for it is always a combined effort, and responsibility of Trinity in balance rests within oneself.  Another cannot hurt me, and therefor I receive consequence - though I can hurt myself in untruthful awareness to my life force and its needs for peaceful creation/expression.  If expression is full of anger, then one's expression of purpose is in infancy state and in need of love's receipt - are we willing to be in service to love, giving love freely to those who themselves express it the least?

Honesty, I believe, is expression of what is true of ones innermost energetic value in any given moment, and from there we effect peace in 'other'.  Do I need to forgive another for their actions toward or in perception against me?  Or is it my responsibility to stand in truth, expressing greatest vibration of being in any given moment perpetuating same through interaction...

I am grateful for those times when in my greatest good anger is what I have to offer, and a fellow being lifts me in Trinity with gifting my 'blindness' with hearts intention, stepping aside from temptation to take on another's pain, showing me that consequence will be what my perception of it is in it's moment of appearance.

Peace
Lisa

...I was wondering tonight, and what I came to realize through introspection, is that ones life is as great a gesture as ones manifest intention reveals, born of truth and carressed by doubt.  Of what do we detail?  The moments we grieve? The moments we dream?  The moments in which we are?  ...to live conscious birth each moment - entrapped only in the freedom of current being - expressing in exchange; true nature driving potential as a parting into whole being, inspired within truth full motivation; and so it IS; in the becoming. 

My wish is for Humanity and all That Is, to be encompassed and expanded within harmony's consumption. 

I BELIEVE...

By placing our minds to follow emotional reaction toward a present moment, we solicit life prematurely in the anticipating of future manifest outcome.  By emotionally reacting to that which represents possibility of projected outcome, though is not yet formed in present; and is becoming manifest as ones thoughts progress it, we determine our energy motional (e/motional) existence in realms of illusory measure.  By observation of energy now, and following its flow with integrally focused manifestation, one becomes in natural flow - a truth full representation of ones being.  As our minds race ahead, seeking unraveling of future outcome, we rob ourselves of nurturing within BEING NOW; Feel what you think, and BECOME; intention landing in manifest atmosphere condusive to its purity.

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Prose To Ponder #24

Human illusion, in form of contributing to human ‘pain’ and ‘suffering’, manifests in form of emotional attachment.  We halt free flowing of negative energy through our physical being by revisiting uncomfortable emotions applying intellect in attempts to release emotional discomfort.  We bind emotions within our physical bodies with dis-ease response to that which we do not understand or want to accept on emotional levels.  It is inward focus, where the mystery of our being, the truth of matter, will be revealed; prompting release of negative vibes through acknowledging feelings in response to interactions as they occur, accepting them for what they are on a feeling level, and allowing the underlying essence from that which we all stem; love, to direct our emotional being.  In shedding preconceived notions that we have provided ourselves with through acts of intellectual analysis - which bind us to physical holding patterns - we experience equality of being; illuminating balance of spirituality, strengthening our abilities with disengaging attachment.  Being in attachment, one reaps effects of that which one covets by way of action directed by emotional projection.  The ‘letting go’ of projected expressions of pessimistic speculative nature creates opportunity for recognition of exposure to Divinity, expanding in love and wisdom, enveloping ourselves, and those beings with which we interact,paving way TO BECOME TRUTH.